His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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