Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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