There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
