Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
