The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
