I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
