I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
