I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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