exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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