If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
