I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize