he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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