i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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