You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
