They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
