Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
