my sisters under your porch take her home
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ttyl tear gas
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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