you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize