Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
