YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
