You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i came on her dog
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
