There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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