White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
