Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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