I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
