My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
