well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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