How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
