is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
