I just saw a hot homeless man
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
