Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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