Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
