Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
