Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
