Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
