Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
