Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
