worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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