Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Randomize