At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
