The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
