hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
