every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
