That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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