Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
