So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
