the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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