I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize