Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
