Yo dont text me then not text me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
