if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
