On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
