Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
