broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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