I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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