I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
