someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
