Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
