I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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