Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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