I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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