she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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