My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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