We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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