Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
