he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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