If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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