it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
