The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was born a porn star she said
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize