You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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