I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
