I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
