Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
