just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
