he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
