My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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