I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Small penises have feelings too.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
