I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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