there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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