he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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