Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
