K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
