I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
