I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
