I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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