I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
