They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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