I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He shit in the fireplace
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
