so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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