My balls are so social today.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
