you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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