i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize