I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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