Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
