Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
