listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
