The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
