Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
