Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
