I feel great
I just peed on a car
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
