Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
