I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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