are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
