i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
