she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
