how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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