Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize