I'm passing your future prison.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
