that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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