I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
